Archive for February, 2013

It’s Bad Again

Sunday, February 24th, 2013

This thing happens sometimes when it feels like everything is falling, including myself, and I don’t remember how to function, or focus or anything really. I’m trying to write because I don’t want to keep sinking but I don’t have anyone to talk to about this because everyone just abandons me or thinks I’m crazy and it keep getting worse, and I don’t know what to do. Excuse my run-on sentences but I feel so trapped, and I want to crawl up in a hole and die. I’m trying really hard to stay focused and I have to pretend I’m okay for my mom but I’m not and I need help but I don’t know what to do and I’m just gonna go now, because I’m lost and this isn’t helping me.


About to Break

Friday, February 15th, 2013

I know we all reach that point every once in while, where everything anyone says gets on your very last nerve. Unfortunately, those closest to you seem to get the wrath of your anger more than anyone else. It’s like all the nit-picky little things you don’t seem to like about a person annoy you ten times more when you’re reaching your breaking point. I’m about there. I just snapped at a friend when he tried to tell me “how I feel.” I’m pretty sure he doesn’t actually know. But this is nothing new, he does this all the time. It just seems in the past week, a lot of things have happened that have pushed me to the edge, and those stupid little things my friends do to annoy me have me on me wavering between complete explosion and a surreal lifestyle. This is when I become thankful for the long weekend coming up. I need to get away from everyone. My boyfriend included. But I need him right now too, so I don’t know how that could even be possible. Life is too complicated to comprehend right now. I’m sorry for the complaining.

What is love?

Sunday, February 3rd, 2013

I ponder these irrefutable topics on a regular basis. Love is a question that should never be answered. It never makes any sense, and it never works the way it should. However, I am positive, regardless of my age, that I know what this “love” thing is. Yeah, sure, laugh it up. “Oh, the fifteen-year-old is in love” ha ha. You know what? Yes I am. I believe with all of my heart that I am in love. I don’t know that I have ever been given a pure example of what exactly this “love” thing is, but I still have enough common sense to comprehend the way I feel about this boy. I also believe that I have loved many things in my life. For instance, I love my mom, and the rest of my family, my friends, certain teachers, competitive cheerleading, creating music, creative writing; all of these things have occurred to me as “love”. It’s passion; a warm fuzzy feeling that fills you up from the inside, completing a certain amount of happiness that each of us needs to live our lives. I believe I have finally determined the difference between this concept of “love” and being “in love”. The way it feels to be in love is near indescribable. I will try my best for you, but I don’t quite know how.

When you meet a this certain person–your soulmate, for all intensive purposes– a field of energy pulls you to this person. The attraction between these two people forms from solely a physical connection, to an emotional bond. I’m sure you’ve heard it described in comparison to magnets. Essentially, that is exactly what it is like. Over time, you feel as if every force in the universe has the intentions of pulling you in the direction of this “soulmate”. When you reach this realization that you are in love with this person, every cell in your body is filled with euphoria compassion, understanding, passion, and in bits, lust for a connection beyond an human intelligence I am aware of. All of these emotions bond into one concept we refer to as love. The “in” part could almost refer the infatuation. In such a short amount of time, love aligns every moment you’ve ever known. You need them, they need you, it’s a constant cycle of need. They complete every sentence, every thought, every second and not a single thing makes sense without them. As more time passes, you realize there is no possible way you could ever live without them in your life. So what if I’m fifteen-years-old? Have I not just presented that I am in love. I am so in love. For those of you with no belief in this emotion, or even the idea of a soulmate, please do not give up yet. I am one of the few, but so lucky people to have met the love of my life at such a young age. You can ask me, “How do you know?” You just know. There is no other feeling to compare. In love is in love, and nothing can ever change that, ever. 

I love him. I love him more than I can explain, I will take any ridicule I receive for this confidence, but I know that I am in love with him, and there is no other person that I would like to spend the rest of my life with than him. He is the love of my life. I have can answer the question I have presented as my topic. I know the meaning of love. it is the most beautiful thing in the world.