On the morning of January 19, 2013, one of my friends hung himself. This boy was only sixteen-years-old. He liked to make pottery, and had the most elaborate taste in music. He was one of the most phenomenal human beings I have ever met, and he has forever changed my life. But you see, three days before he took his own life, we had a falling out. The two of us said things to each other that we can never take back, and while the apology he intended to give to me has been passed along, I can never give him mine. I choke on those last words every day of my life. Instead of calling him a “fucking dick”, I wish I would have told him, “I love you”, because I love him, and I will love him always.
This is an anonymous teenage blog: coping with suicide, guilt, and sorrow, among other things.
In your life, you have taught me many things. I dedicate this blog to you, and your use of the words “narcissistic” and “euphoria”. Not because the two relate to me, or you, or anyone else; but because they keep you alive in me.
P.S. I promise I won’t cry over pottery anymore, just as long as you guide me when I need your help, my angel.
Rest in peace, Perkisaur.